I get asked this question many times a day, "So... how are you doing?" (and I love this by the way!)
And most days I simply reply, "I'm doing good."
Today I thought I might clarify what "doing good" means in my life right now. For those of you who only know me here - at Living Above - you're not able to hear voice inflections or see my face but I actually say it with a cheeriness in my voice, a smile on my face and a nod of my head.
I think most people are surprised when I say this and in this manner. So today, I thought I might clarify what "I'm good" means these days. Everyone keeps calling my life, "my new normal" - so I'm sure I have a new, "I'm good" as well.
Just for the record...
- I still get up around 5am every morning.
- I still have my morning coffee and prayer time with the Lord.
- I'm still writing on my blog and sending out tweets.
- I still text with my friends.
- I still have to get 2 kids up, fed, dressed and out the door for school.
- I still cook dinners - now it's a little more fun as I'm impressing my parents with my skills! - LOL!
- I still go to church faithfully.
- I haven't found time for American Idol - however I would like to - LOL!
- I still have to do laundry and pick up toys.
I basically still have to "do" all the things I did before John went Home. And it's in these things - all that I've listed above - that I'm "doing good."
Here's what makes my "doing good" statement different than it used to be prior to December 30th.
- I wake up every morning with the harsh reality that I'm alone in the bed.
- I feel an ache in my heart every minute of every day.
- A moment doesn't go by that I don't wish that I could just call him on the phone and hear his voice, or see him laugh and give me a hug just one more time!
- I have many moments throughout the day where it literally takes my breath away that he's not going to be with me for the rest of my life here on Earth.
- And then to answer the question - "Am I crying?".... yes! It happens usually when I'm alone in the car, but sometimes just a song on the radio, a comment from someone else, an email from a friend (of his or of mine), or questions or comments from the kids - and these are both sad & precious times.
So why did I write this today? I know you want to know how I'm doing. I would too if you were my friend going through this experience. And I am doing really good... just my "good" means something different than it did 41 days ago.
Good still means good.
God is still good in my life!
Even through this -
I will have praise on my lips for His mercies never fail me.