Didn't I just blink?

"It feels like it was yesterday" - isn't this what they all say when it seems like time has passed all too quickly?

Or what about this one... "It seems as if I just blinked"?

I said this to a dear friend just this week and he said, "No, you've had quite a few blinks since that day."

He's so right!  I could spend this blog writing about the things that have happened since December 30, 2010 - but you would get bored reading it all.  Because in true John Franklin form he would want to hear about each and every haircut.  He would want to know the details about how I felt when I took my certification test.

He would want to know the facial expression on everyone's face for every big and small event that has transpired.  So what do I write about?

How do I honor a man that meant the world to me?  How do I celebrate the one who was the best at celebrating... without him?

You'll find 3 things in this blog post.  Feel free to skip around and only read or watch the things you want.  Here you will find:

1.  The things I love most about John

2.  The verses that have gotten me through this first year

3.  A video that was shown at his "Special Service" 

where you can hear him sing and the kids laugh and talk with their Daddy.

Here are some things that I love most about my hero - John Franklin

1.  Friday night date night - he never missed it!  Even if it meant hot wings at home with a movie we'd seen before - we put the kids to bed, and pretended our living room was a romantic place set just for us.

2.  Friday mornings with the family.  His day off from the office was Friday.  During the summer we would all load up for a fun family day - which usually meant Chick-fil-A for breakfast, then driving around New Orleans exploring!

3.  His amazing active love for his kiddos.  Every day he loved for his kids to use him as a human jungle gym.

4.  Everything was special to John.  He saved every little note not only from me but even pieces of paper that had scratches on it from his children.

But most of all I loved this about him...

5.  His intimate relationship and love for Jesus Christ!  Nothing was more important to him than seeing people come to know Jesus as he knew Him.  This was the glue for every relationship he had!!

Now what?  These are some pretty amazing things.  How do I put one foot in front of the other without these in my everyday life.

The verses that gave gotten me through this first year

since his move to Heaven (basically a walk through my journal):

1.  Isaiah 57:1-2 - "The righteous man perishes and no man takes it to heart; and devout men are taken away, while no one understands.  For the righteous man is taken away from evil, he enters into peace"

2.  Psalm 40:17 - "As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought of me.  You are my Help, and my Deliverer, do not delay, O my God!"

3.  Psalm 40:3 - "He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."

4.  Psalm 31:24 - "Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait on the Lord!"

5.  Psalm 18:6 - "In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I cried for help.  From His temple He heard my voice, and my cry to Him reached His ear."

6.  Proverbs 4:12-13 - "When you walk, your step will not be hampered, and if you run, you will not stumble.  Keep hold of instruction, do not let go; guard her, for she is your life."

I could go on and on here - this was just from about 3 pages from my journal.  The message here is God's Word - daily, and your prayers - daily, have held me up!  I will continue to live like this no matter what comes my way.

Now, instead of a regular Friday song and video - 

I give you a very brief glimpse of the life of John Franklin...

A Heavenly Birthday

I wonder what a Birthday is like in Heaven?  Do you think you can watch a movie or a series of You Tube clips of your entire life and have all the whys answered by the Father right there beside you?

Wouldn't it be cool to think that you and the Lord are sitting on your couch in your Heavenly mansion and the Lord says, "Oh, watch this - this is my favorite part!  You had no idea at the time, but check out what I had planned!"

Today my Rockstar husband is celebrating his first birthday in Heaven.  We celebrated it in HUGE way this past weekend. (which I'll share more with you in just a bit).

Today the kids are going to make those garden cement stones and we're going to have one of his favorite desserts for dinner.  Pecan pie.  I know many of you are praying for us today and we cherish them all.

This past weekend the kids and I met with what we like to call our "second family" in Bastrop, Texas.  We all gathered at the Ranch where John moved to Heaven.  Yes, it was difficult pulling in to town and seeing the last restaurant that we shared together and walking through the grocery store where he last visited.

Strangely enough the kids remembered that crazy grocery store trip & commented on how it was Daddy's last trip to buy groceries!

The weekend was filled with many walks down memory lane regarding John, but the best part of the entire weekend was on Saturday - the Tree-Planting Ceremony.  So much thought, planning, finances and heart went into this for me and the kids.  I am so grateful for this group of men!

We all gathered around the tree and it was blazing hot - but no one really seemed to notice.  One of the men spoke about the former governor of Texas - James Hogg.  Hogg told those around him that he didn't want a headstone when he died - he wanted a pecan tree.  Then he wanted the fruit of that tree spread over Texas so Texas would be known as a fruit bearing state!

Everyone agreed that this was the spirit of John Franklin!  After everyone had a chance to talk about John and what he meant to them - we shared a beautiful time of Communion.  As the elements were being passed around the circle I realized that this was Jordan's 1st Communion! (she got saved on June 8th)

She & I both were in tears!  I stooped down to make sure she truly understood what we were doing.  And what the bread and the "wine" represented.  Afterwards, I shared with her that if her Daddy couldn't be here to administer Communion to her - at least we were at "The Bastrop" (what Jordan calls the Ranch) beside his tree.

No party would be complete without cake & singing!  So... later that night we shared his favorite dessert... German Chocolate Cake - and the kids blew out the candles!

I woke up early the next morning.  I wanted to go out and see the tree in the sunrise - but paused to read my Bible first.  This is what I read... - I just love God's timing - even in His Word.

Psalm 1:1-3 (ESV)

Blessed is the man who walks not 

in the counsel of the wicked, 

nor stands in the way of sinners, 

nor sits in the seat of scoffers; 

but his delight is in the law of the Lord, 

and on His law he meditates day and night. 

He is like a tree planted by streams of water 

that yields its fruit in its season, 

and its leaf does not wither.  

In all that he does, he prospers.

I know there will continue to many "firsts" and we go through life without our Rockstar & Daddy.  Today is a big one.  But I also know I serve a very big God.  In fact, the verses I read today in my One Year Bible brought much healing for a day like this...

Psalm 4:3,7 (ESV)

But know that the Lord has set apart the godly for Himself; 

the Lord hears when I call to Him.

You have put more joy in my heart than they 

have when their grain and wine abound.

Okay... I can see that I have rambled far longer than any blog post should be.  I'll close it up.

Happy Birthday Babe!  The kids are doing great!  They both recently learned how to ride a bike without training wheels and how to swim underwater without a floaty!  God is doing some amazing things in my life right now - but I'm sure you already know all the details!  We miss you like crazy every day!  Can't wait to see you again some day!  It's my day to love you more!

"I didn't let it beat me!"

If this is your first time to visit Living Above, you may not know me, or the journey that I've been walking lately.  In just two days, I will have walked this Earth without the love of my life for 6 months.
 

6 months... it still doesn't seem real.

Even though we've had numerous sad moments since that day in December, the Lord continues to give us great moments of victory!   Yesterday was filled with a moment such as these!

Yesterday the Lord gave me the patience, the energy, the passion and the wisdom to teach BOTH of my children how to ride a bike without training wheels!

At the end of the day, my little 4 year old son said something that I will keep in my heart for a long while.  It was after many stops and starts, falls and crashes that he found victory... even riding through rough terrain and not falling down he stopped (without falling) and said,

"Mommy!  I didn't let it beat me!"

I was so proud of him!  In fact, he did so well on a bike older than him and honestly too small - that we went and got him a more suitable sized NEW bike as a reward!

As we were driving he made yet another statement that I think we can all apply to our lives regarding things that have the potential to beat us.

This was our brief conversation...

JP: "Mommy, all you really have to do is have balance and keep pedaling."

Mommy: "That's right JP."

JP: (he paused and then as if he forgot...) "OH!  And don't forget to hold on!"

I thought about this conversation for the rest of the evening.  I thought about the past 6 months of our lives.

Balance: I've had to balance being both Mommy & Daddy.  I've tried to incorporate Daddy's spirit into raising these two precious children.  In fact, at the end of the day - I celebrated with the kids and used words I know John would have used - I did the knuckle thing with JP - I told Jordan, "Daddy would say you were his "kleine liebe" (which means little love in German).

Keep Pedaling: Oh!  The financial and legal stuff that has been left to me, finding not just a job but a career for our future, just not cratering in my bed when I know my kids are finding a new happiness to their life.... this is what "keep pedaling" looks like for me.  I've only been able to do this because of the Lord.  My morning prayer time has given me the "keep pedaling" spirit and energy!

Hold on: We can't forget this one!  None of us can - no matter what we're learning or going through!  I watched JP learn and adjust to his bike without training wheels.  There were times the bike seemed a bit shaky, or he would go off the edge of the driveway - but he always held on and was able to regain his balance and his confidence!  We too can accomplish this same thing!  When times are shaky and we get off track - if we would just hold on to the Word of God, we can regain our balance as well.

The Lord showed me two verses this morning that go along with this message from my son.  One, probably is just for me and the other we can all apply to our lives.

Joshua 1:9 (NLT)

"This is my command--be strong and courageous! 

Do not be afraid or discouraged.

For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

Psalm 146:9 (ESV)

The Lord watches over the sojourners, 

He upholds the widow and the fatherless...

As happy as I was at the end of the day... I still wished John had been there to teach them and to celebrate with them.  And yet - I'm so glad God gave me what the kids needed to make it victoriously through yet another "first."

He truly does UPHOLD me!

It is "all of Him, in all of me" that allows me to say on a daily basis the words of my son,

"I didn't let it beat me!"

He's still your Daddy...

Wow!  It's Tuesday and I promised this blog would go out Sunday afternoon.  Where did the time go?

I know many of you prayed for our first Father's Day with John in Heaven and I want to thank you!  Your prayers were felt more than you know!  We all truly enjoyed a happy day.

I wanted to share with you just a little about our day - so you can see the benefits of your prayers.

We decided to spend the weekend with John's brother - Joe - and his family, who live in Brownwood, TX. They have a son about a year older than Jordan and all three play well together.

We arrived on Friday afternoon and immediately they wanted to go swimming!  What fun for them after being in the car 5 hours in the Texas heat!

Just so you know how hot it is in Brownwood...

Saturday was spent just hanging out with family - Joe's family and John's parents as well.   Then came Sunday - Father's Day.

I purchased mylar balloons in all our favorite colors - me - purple, Jordan - pink, JP - green, John - blue.  Then we took a Sharpie and wrote a Happy Father's Day message on them and lifted them into the beautiful sky.

One of the things I shared with the kids before releasing our balloons - and something I have been saying to them since his Homegoing - is that John Franklin will ALWAYS be their Daddy!  Just because he moved to Heaven doesn't make him any less their Dad!

Aren't you glad about this?!  We can't see our Heavenly Father, we don't live with him in the physical realm or sense, we can't sit in His physical lap or hold His physical hand - but my Bible tells me that He is still my Heavenly Father - my Abba - and that He holds my right hand!  Just because I can't see Him doesn't make Him any less my Abba!

So too, the same applies to my children and their earthly Daddy.  We have this conversation often and I reminded them of this special fact as we had our balloon celebration!  We all yelled, "HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!" as we let them go!  And most of them cleared the trees!  LOL!

Jordan said the sweetest thing later in the day...  She came to me and we had this conversation...

Jordan:  Mommy, I know that Jesus is with us in this room.

Mommy:  Yes, you're right!

Jordan:  Wouldn't it be a nice thought to think that maybe Daddy 

came with him and they are in this room together?

I just love her sweet little heart!

We had a great day honoring their Daddy.  In addition to all of this - I had the extreme honor and privilege to speak to the congregation at First Baptist Church Brownwood.  They have prayed for me and our wonderful family ardently for the past 6 months.  Their Pastor interviewed.  He allowed me to give a message to Dad's today about how John was a legacy building Dad.

Later in the day we gave gifts to both John's brother and his Dad.  The kids & I both had lots of opportunities for smiles and laughter.  And I know it's all because of your prayers!

Thank you for your investment into our lives - please, please keep praying!  We need them everyday!

Knocked down - but not out forever!

The kids & I are experiencing another "first" this weekend - Father's Day.

Please keep us in your prayers as we've got 2 really big ones ahead of us.



Sunday is Father's Day and then just 2 weeks later is John's Birthday.  He would have been 41.

I had a really hard night last night.  Grief shows up in the strangest ways sometimes.  Ways that have actually surprised me.  Quite frankly I'm feel very "knocked down."

I know I won't feel this way forever.  It reminds me of this verse:

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (NLT)

We are pressed on every side by troubles, 
but we are not crushed.  

We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.  

We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God.  

We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.

I'm not sure I'm totally here yet... but this song gives me hope.  I may be knocked down - but one day I will shine again, one day I will feel like I'm not "out" forever.

Daddy's Bible

It's quite in my house, but I know not for long... in fact, I may have to pause my writing and finish this later in the day.

Our house is filled with family who are still here from all the weekend excitement.  I'm not sure if you saw on Facebook, but my oldest child is now a true child of God!  Jordan got saved on Wednesday night.

I would love to share just a little of the story with you here, for there is no better message - no greater passion - than to share with one comes to the Lord!  This should not be common place in any life or any home or any church!

Last week was our church's VBS.  I know that Thursday is set aside as "decision" day during this exciting week.  Our Senior Pastor always leads the Open Assembly on that day as he presents the gospel to all the kids at that time.

I didn't want Jordan to be clear across the gym from me (her with the 2nd Graders and me with the 5th Graders) - if she felt the leading of the Holy Spirit.

So Wednesday night, June 8th - after bath time, I told Jordan to find her Bible and meet me on my bed and we were going to have a special time together.

However... Jordan came to me very sad and worried.  She had left her brand new Bible at church!
I gave her a little lecture on the importance of remembering and being responsible with our things.  I then told her not to worry, we would just use mine.

But then I had become worried and sad for I discovered I too left my Bible at church!  I immediately apologized to Jordan and told her we would make our time together extra special and use Daddy's Bible.

I had her turn to all those important verses... (thanks Kevin for making us memorize them for VBS!):
John 3:16, Romans 3:23, Romans 6:23, Romans 5:8, Romans 10:9

Jordan read all the verses out loud and I explained them to her as she read.  Then at the end of our time together we prayed together.  Yes, tears were shed, pictures were drawn, and many other intimate moments that are not appropriate for a blog - but to hear my sweet little girl pray - asking Jesus to be the boss of her life forever was the most precious sound I've ever heard!!!

On Thursday morning during the special Open Assembly with the Senior Pastor, Jordan bolding raised her hand, "walked the aisle", and publically professed her faith!

Then.... as if that was not enough.... John's brother - Joe Franklin - drove from the other side of Texas to baptize her in a special Sunday night service.

Once we recognize our need for Christ in our lives we have a responsibility to tell others.  Over the weekend, my Mom heard Jordan telling her cousins what it means to be a Christian!  I'm so proud of her immediate obedience to our Lord!

I know that her Daddy, my Rockstar, 

was celebrating with the angels and our Lord at this great event in Heaven!

Hebrews 12:1 (ESV)

Since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses....

Luke 15:10  (NASB)

I tell you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.

Reaping a little joy

At the end of the school year JP had to work on some vocabulary words in his 3 Year Old Pre-K class.  To make it fun they all had to to a little "project" with their specific word.  JP's word was "SEEDS."

So me & Mom went to the store and bought seeds of things we knew would 1) really grow and 2) would produce some very visible results.  Our choices were beans and sunflowers.

The past couple of weeks we have all enjoyed a few of JP's beans at dinner time.  It's been really fun for him to actually eat what he planted!

Today I read this verse in my One Year Bible and I must say - yesterday I got 2 visuals of how this verse looked in my every day life...

Psalm 126:4-6 (ESV)

Restore our fortunes, O Lord, like streams in the Negeb!

Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!

He who goes out weeping, 

bearing the seed for sowing, 

shall come home with shouts of joy...

Yesterday JP & I had to run to the store before dinner.  It was just he & I in the car, so I seized this opportunity with a captive audience to check on his little heart.  I asked him how his heart was handling Daddy living in Heaven.  He was quiet for just a moment and then he said this...

"Well, I'm sad he's not here - 
but I'm so happy in my new home."

I must also share with you the picture of his sunflower that he planted himself...

My dear friends - JP's sweet little comment and this flower is what "shouts of joy" looks like!

We still have our days of weeping - but for today, I'm thanking God that JP has joy!

Leading through the pain...

Most of you know that I ABSOLUTELY love my One Year Bible!  God never ceases to show me great things in His Word that I've never really noticed before, and I've been reading my One Year Bible for 11 years.

As most of you know, my last 4 months have been riddled with much pain.  Not only have I been dealing with missing John like crazy - a pain that upon hearing the news I thought would be the end of me - but I've also dealt with many unpleasant circumstances as a result of his Homegoing.

So many days I just wanted to run and hide.

I've never been one to avoid an email or a phone call.  But since December 30th, I must admit, I have not been the best communicator.  This is just real talkin here...

But I read something last week in 1 Samuel that really encouraged me and has given me new strength and a new perspective.

1 Samuel 22:1-2 (ESV)

David departed from there (Gath) and escaped to the cave of Adullam.  And when his brothers and all his father's house heard it, they went down there to him.  And everyone who was in distress, and everyone who was in debt, and everyone who was bitter in soul, gathered to him.  And he became captain over them.

Let me set the stage for you just a bit...
David is running from Saul.  Saul is king of Israel and yet the Lord is exalting David in every way.  David was winning battles and gaining popularity with the people.  Saul didn't like this and therefore wanted him dead!  David is on the run to save his very life!  What a devastating time for him.  He has lost his home, his best friend and is away from everything he knows to be home.  He is in fear that at any moment an entire army may find him and kill him.

Talk about despair!  Talk about pain and heartache!

And yet... what do we find him doing?  Leading.

Did you see what happened?  He escaped to a cave and his family surrounded him to love on him and comfort him.  But they weren't the only ones to arrive.  Basically everyone who had a need came to him as well - those who were in distress, in debt, and who were bitter in soul.

They obviously saw something in David that encouraged them - even while he was experiencing a tragedy!  What a message for us all today!  While we are hurting and experiencing pain and sorrow - God can turn that into a tool to lead others to Him!

We never read that David questioned why they were there or that he sent them away.  Instead we read that he became their captain.  Ladies... God gives us opportunities to lead and guide others at what seems to us the strangest of times!

David could have said,

"Not now! Can't you see I'm busy!"  

"I'm not up for seeing people today!  

Dad, make them all go away!"

"I've got to figure out my own life 

before I can lead someone else!"

He didn't say any of these things!  He just lead through the pain.

Don't miss these when they come your way!  It's okay for others to see you hurt.  We know in this life there will be pain and sorrow.  It's what you do with the hurt and the pain that counts.  We can teach God's Word all day until we're blue in the face - but sometimes we have to teach others how to hurt as well.  I believe this is what David did and that is why they followed him.

This has become my prayer -  that even in the middle of me trying to hide in a cave on some days - that others would see Jesus right here beside me.

Our First 100 Days...

I'm kind of a numbers person.  I'm certain this doesn't surprise you knowing I like Science & Math.  I've kept up with almost each day, each marker moment that I've continued on this Earth without the love of my life.

Today - my sweet John has lived 100 days in Heaven.  I'm not certain he's aware of days up there - but I'm more than aware of them where I am.

Most Presidents give a "First 100 days in office" assessment or sometimes even a speech.  So today, instead of my regular Friday song - I thought I might do something similar.

Now before you go & get your tissue, I've decided to celebrate this day.  Instead of this being a very sad day - which would be so easy to do by the way, it's Friday Night Date Night and for the past 100 days I've been without my date - I'm going to do my best to find the good in what we've all experienced.

Last night the kids and I began to talk about what today means to us.  We talked about the things we think Daddy might have seen & experienced in his first 100 days in Heaven.  These are some of the things they came up with:

Jordan:  "He's seen God's angels!"

JP:  "He's seen lots & lots of gold!"

Jordan:  "He's been given a crown!"

JP:  "He probably has a golden car!"

Jordan:  "He's seen Jesus!"

JP & Jordan:  "He's probably playing lots & lots of music!"

I was amazed at how we talked about John and Heaven and God with smiles on our faces!  It was a beautiful thing.  Tonight, JP has a T-Ball game, but afterwards we're going to have a little celebration of some sort.  We're going to make tonight special!




Now what about us... what have we experienced in our 100 days without our Daddy and my love... (good things - remember?!)

1.  Jordan just learned she passed a test to enter into a Gifted & Talented school!

2.  I passed a HUGE Science test to enter into an Alternate Certification Program that will allow me to teach any Science in High School.

3.  JP is a natural at T-Ball!  Last week he had a great in-field stop and a fantastic hit!

4.  Jordan is taking piano lessons and has her very first big-time recital on May 21st.

5.  I've joined the choir at church - and I love it!

6.  I'm speaking at a Women's event in New Orleans this weekend and at a MOPS group in May!

7.  Jordan & JP are both beginning to learn to ride bikes without training wheels.

8.  Jordan has her very first loose tooth.

9.  The kids are LOVING all the kids' programs at church:  AWANAs, Children's Choir, GA's, Mission Friends.  They can't wait to get there each week.  And they've made some amazing new friends!

10.  I think the most special thing to report in the first 100 days applies to all three of us... we all have a closer walk with the Lord.  JP & Jordan both recently got new Bibles and they are still using them and reading them.  We all talk about our love for the Lord often!

You can't walk away from something like what we experienced on December 30th and not call it a work of God that we are not bitter and angry at God - or walk away from faith all together!  Instead, because of who He is - we're clinging to Him tighter than ever before!!

Yes, we have hard days.  Yes, we talk about how much we miss John almost every day still!  Yes, my heart aches when I wake up and when I go to sleep.  Sometimes I just start crying out of nowhere - it totally takes me by surprise.

But like the ocean.... there may be turbulence and storms on top - but deep deep down there is peace!

Babe, we miss you like crazy!  But we find comfort knowing where you are and one day we'll meet you at the gates!  I love you more!

For now... I can only imagine what you're seeing and read about it in God's Word... I know you're actually getting to experience it all!  Give me a tour when I get there? I hope so!

Nothing to prove....

Wow!  I've neglected my blog all week!  I think that test took more out of me than I expected it would.

The test was Tuesday and I believe it's taken me until today to fully recover.

I've learned so much about life and really living since John went Home.  He truly taught people more with how he lived than by what he preached.

I recently heard this song and not only thought about the love of my life.... and how he lived every part of this song... but I also thought about how I want this to be true in my own life.  So... I'm making changes in my life today so others can say this about me.

I hope you enjoy this song and have a great weekend!

I'm dancing in my mind....

Whew!  Made it another week.  Don't you just love Fridays?!

This week has been very full!  I worked at the High School every day except Tuesday - and on that day I took a practice exam for my upcoming entrance into the Alternate Teaching Certification Program.

I've done so much studying that my brain is beginning to go into overload!

Normally... this would be a weekend where John would & I would have danced in the kitchen to some classic George Strait songs after the kids went to bed - you know... Friday Night Date Night.

So for my song today, instead... Instead of dancing with him in person - I'll be carrying my love for him with me as I travel to see some of my dearest friends - and I'll be dancing with him in my head all the way there.

I miss you Babe.  It's been a tough week - filled with good and bad.  I love you!