"I didn't let it beat me!"

If this is your first time to visit Living Above, you may not know me, or the journey that I've been walking lately.  In just two days, I will have walked this Earth without the love of my life for 6 months.
 

6 months... it still doesn't seem real.

Even though we've had numerous sad moments since that day in December, the Lord continues to give us great moments of victory!   Yesterday was filled with a moment such as these!

Yesterday the Lord gave me the patience, the energy, the passion and the wisdom to teach BOTH of my children how to ride a bike without training wheels!

At the end of the day, my little 4 year old son said something that I will keep in my heart for a long while.  It was after many stops and starts, falls and crashes that he found victory... even riding through rough terrain and not falling down he stopped (without falling) and said,

"Mommy!  I didn't let it beat me!"

I was so proud of him!  In fact, he did so well on a bike older than him and honestly too small - that we went and got him a more suitable sized NEW bike as a reward!

As we were driving he made yet another statement that I think we can all apply to our lives regarding things that have the potential to beat us.

This was our brief conversation...

JP: "Mommy, all you really have to do is have balance and keep pedaling."

Mommy: "That's right JP."

JP: (he paused and then as if he forgot...) "OH!  And don't forget to hold on!"

I thought about this conversation for the rest of the evening.  I thought about the past 6 months of our lives.

Balance: I've had to balance being both Mommy & Daddy.  I've tried to incorporate Daddy's spirit into raising these two precious children.  In fact, at the end of the day - I celebrated with the kids and used words I know John would have used - I did the knuckle thing with JP - I told Jordan, "Daddy would say you were his "kleine liebe" (which means little love in German).

Keep Pedaling: Oh!  The financial and legal stuff that has been left to me, finding not just a job but a career for our future, just not cratering in my bed when I know my kids are finding a new happiness to their life.... this is what "keep pedaling" looks like for me.  I've only been able to do this because of the Lord.  My morning prayer time has given me the "keep pedaling" spirit and energy!

Hold on: We can't forget this one!  None of us can - no matter what we're learning or going through!  I watched JP learn and adjust to his bike without training wheels.  There were times the bike seemed a bit shaky, or he would go off the edge of the driveway - but he always held on and was able to regain his balance and his confidence!  We too can accomplish this same thing!  When times are shaky and we get off track - if we would just hold on to the Word of God, we can regain our balance as well.

The Lord showed me two verses this morning that go along with this message from my son.  One, probably is just for me and the other we can all apply to our lives.

Joshua 1:9 (NLT)

"This is my command--be strong and courageous! 

Do not be afraid or discouraged.

For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

Psalm 146:9 (ESV)

The Lord watches over the sojourners, 

He upholds the widow and the fatherless...

As happy as I was at the end of the day... I still wished John had been there to teach them and to celebrate with them.  And yet - I'm so glad God gave me what the kids needed to make it victoriously through yet another "first."

He truly does UPHOLD me!

It is "all of Him, in all of me" that allows me to say on a daily basis the words of my son,

"I didn't let it beat me!"

Wisdom in what you DON'T say!

I've tried for I don't know how long to be quiet and reserved.  At 40 years old, I've finally resolved to the fact that, "That's just not me!"  I know without a shadow of a doubt that God made me to be the outgoing person that I am.  Very rarely will you find me being shy.

However... having said that - one of my pet peeves is when people say, "This is me; and I've gotta be me - so like it or lump it!"

Why?  Because "this" (who I am) belongs 100% to God.  I must always keep in check how I'm acting - is "this is me" part is in tune with who God is molding me to be?  Perhaps God wants to change a few things about me.

I've known for quite some time that there was a part of the "this is me" that needed to be changed.  As I said, I'm a very outgoing - vocal person.  Most of the time this is for everyone's good.  However, there is another side to this same coin that is not always so pretty.

Today I'm going to step out a little of my comfort zone and share with you a vulnerable part of me - while maintaining a bit of privacy at the same time... so please bare with me.

There are times... within the comforts of my own house that what I say, what comes out of my mouth isn't quite as pleasant as it should be.  No, I'm not talking about cuss words or anything of the sort.  Just here lately (and I'm sure it's in part due to grief of missing my Rockstar) that my tone and volume could certainly be less harsh.

I began to pray about it and God has shown me some amazing verses that I've been keeping at the front of my mind and even recite in my head before I discipline my children.  I only share this with you because I just can't believe that I'm the only one who struggles with this.

I'm proud to say that since God has shown me these verses, I have gone 3 full days with a much calmer demeanor!  Yes, I have still disciplined and corrected my children.  Yes, I have still gotten upset when I've broken things or cannot find missing treasures.  However, it's the spirit of my words that has changed!

Are you dying to know the verses?  I promise you if you apply them to your life they will help in your tone, volume and perhaps if you even speak at all!!!

The Lord showed me these two verses in parts - and together they have made a difference in my daily life!

1 Kings 22:14 (ESV)

But Micaiah said, "As the Lord lives, 

what the Lord says to me, that I will speak."

Whew!  I had to read this one several times!  What was happening here was a King wanted the wisdom of his prophet.  But according to the king, Micaiah, the prophet, only foretold of bad news.  So on this particular occasion the king asked Micaiah if he was going to give him bad news again.  Verse 14 was his answer.

However, this verse can still apply to me.  Unless it's something the Lord would say - perhaps I don't need to say it either!  Or how about... say "it" how the Lord would say it??  This verse has rocked my world lately.

How do I make it work?  Right before I want to yell or scream, I softly say to myself, "As the Lord lives..."  and then I proceed.  Amazing the difference it makes with what comes out of my mouth!

Now for Part II - Which I have titled in my brain - "A Cool Spirit"

Proverbs 17:27-28 (ESV)

Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, 

and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.

Wow!  I want to be a woman of knowledge and understanding.  It's not always what I say, or how I say it - perhaps it's what I DON'T say that speaks volumes!  Interesting concept!

Restraint and cool spirit.  My two new words of the day.

I have often heard it said if you want to know what kind of mother you are - watch your kids play house.    I've heard my children repeat my words and my tone and even my body motions.  It hasn't always been a pleasant thing to watch.

I also know that children learn about their Heavenly Father by watching their earthly Daddy.  Eventually the memory of my kids' Daddy will begin to fade and they will need to depend on how I am parenting them to have a picture of how God parents!  I don't want them to think that their Heavenly Father yells more than comforts - gets angry before applying wisdom.  I want them to know His understanding ways because they've seen it come from me as well.

Like I said, today was really more of a time of vulnerable confession - I hope it helps other mothers out there who likewise struggle with their mouth!

I love you all dearly!

His Word Sunday

Today, in my One Year Bible I read a great sermon given by Paul while he was in Athens.  In fact, he delivered this sermon at Areopagus - which is where the Roman senate was held, also known as Mars Hill.

I wanted to share just a bit of it with you here (it's quite famous and perhaps you know it well)...

This is what some of the people said of Paul,

Acts 17:19-20 (ESV)

And they took him and brought him to the Areopagus, saying, 

"May we know what this new teaching is that you are presenting?  

For you bring some strange things to our ears.  

We wish to know therefore what these things mean."

And this is just a portion of what he said to them... (if you want to read the entire passage - turn to Acts 17:22-31)

Acts 17:24-28 (ESV)

The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything.  And He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward Him and find Him.  Yet He is actually not far from each one of us, for "In Him we live and move and have our being."

Read this again if you necessary - perhaps it's strange to your ears as well.  There is so much here to take to heart.  I love many parts of this passage.  Many of them make me think of things John used to preach.  I don't have time to go into all of those this morning.

Just breathe in the last part - "In Him we live and move and have our being" - Thank God for that this morning.

Enjoy your day of rest & worship!
I love you all dearly!

Am I strong enough?

I'm about to walk out the door to go pick up my kiddos! They've been gone all week - I've been in training all week and I've missed them so much!  They give me strength to get up every morning - they give me the strength to smile every day...

But more than them.... I know God is giving me His Strength to walk this road of faith He's assigned for me.  And in some strange way I consider it an honor to walk this path.

That's why I LOVE this song!!!

He's still your Daddy...

Wow!  It's Tuesday and I promised this blog would go out Sunday afternoon.  Where did the time go?

I know many of you prayed for our first Father's Day with John in Heaven and I want to thank you!  Your prayers were felt more than you know!  We all truly enjoyed a happy day.

I wanted to share with you just a little about our day - so you can see the benefits of your prayers.

We decided to spend the weekend with John's brother - Joe - and his family, who live in Brownwood, TX. They have a son about a year older than Jordan and all three play well together.

We arrived on Friday afternoon and immediately they wanted to go swimming!  What fun for them after being in the car 5 hours in the Texas heat!

Just so you know how hot it is in Brownwood...

Saturday was spent just hanging out with family - Joe's family and John's parents as well.   Then came Sunday - Father's Day.

I purchased mylar balloons in all our favorite colors - me - purple, Jordan - pink, JP - green, John - blue.  Then we took a Sharpie and wrote a Happy Father's Day message on them and lifted them into the beautiful sky.

One of the things I shared with the kids before releasing our balloons - and something I have been saying to them since his Homegoing - is that John Franklin will ALWAYS be their Daddy!  Just because he moved to Heaven doesn't make him any less their Dad!

Aren't you glad about this?!  We can't see our Heavenly Father, we don't live with him in the physical realm or sense, we can't sit in His physical lap or hold His physical hand - but my Bible tells me that He is still my Heavenly Father - my Abba - and that He holds my right hand!  Just because I can't see Him doesn't make Him any less my Abba!

So too, the same applies to my children and their earthly Daddy.  We have this conversation often and I reminded them of this special fact as we had our balloon celebration!  We all yelled, "HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!" as we let them go!  And most of them cleared the trees!  LOL!

Jordan said the sweetest thing later in the day...  She came to me and we had this conversation...

Jordan:  Mommy, I know that Jesus is with us in this room.

Mommy:  Yes, you're right!

Jordan:  Wouldn't it be a nice thought to think that maybe Daddy 

came with him and they are in this room together?

I just love her sweet little heart!

We had a great day honoring their Daddy.  In addition to all of this - I had the extreme honor and privilege to speak to the congregation at First Baptist Church Brownwood.  They have prayed for me and our wonderful family ardently for the past 6 months.  Their Pastor interviewed.  He allowed me to give a message to Dad's today about how John was a legacy building Dad.

Later in the day we gave gifts to both John's brother and his Dad.  The kids & I both had lots of opportunities for smiles and laughter.  And I know it's all because of your prayers!

Thank you for your investment into our lives - please, please keep praying!  We need them everyday!

His Word Sunday

Today, I'm going to have 2 posts.  This morning I'm going to start with my normal "His Word Sunday" - and then later today - perhaps even tonight, I'm going to post something special for Father's Day.

I wanted to write something special about our very first Father's Day with John being in Heaven, but honestly the kids had a fun-filled day with their cousin and were asleep before I could do what I wanted to do... but also, I can't in right mind skip or replace honoring our Heavenly Father first.

I absolutely love how God calls Himself "Our Father" - more so today than I think I ever have.  I wonder if He did that because He knew there would be those who needed a "Daddy" for whatever reason this fallen world has brought upon us.

Therefore, as I do every Sunday morning, I met with the Lord, our Heavenly Father and read my One Year Bible.

Today I would like to challenge you to do something.  It's actually something the rulers of Antioch asked of Paul and his companions.

Acts 13:14-15 (ESV)

And on the Sabbath day they went into the synagogue and sat down.  After the reading from the Law and the Prophets, the rulers of the synagogue sent a message to them, saying, "Brothers, if you have any word of encouragement for the people, say it."

My dear sweet friends, today and in the days to come, after reading your Bible, if you have a word of encouragement... if the Lord has shown you something that gives you hope for the moment, for the day, or for your very life - please - please say it!  Don't keep it a secret!

We may never know the how the very smallest or insignificant thing will lift someone else out of a slump.  We may never know how a smile in the midst of our own pain can give someone else hope to take the next step in their own day.

Notice the order here... after the reading from God's Word... verbal encouragement followed.

I know today is going to be a hard day.  In fact, I'm already a bit weepy as I type this post.  But even on a day like this, I know my God has asked me to "say it" -  to encouragement people in their walk of faith.  It is my prayer that you will do the same today.

(Later today, I will be posting about how our very first Father's Day with John in Heaven went.  I want to honor John on my blog today and do just that after church.  Thank you all for your prayers on this very special day - and I wish all the Dads in our lives - (Papa, Papa Louie, Uncle Joe & Uncle Ted) a very Happy Father's Day!)

Knocked down - but not out forever!

The kids & I are experiencing another "first" this weekend - Father's Day.

Please keep us in your prayers as we've got 2 really big ones ahead of us.



Sunday is Father's Day and then just 2 weeks later is John's Birthday.  He would have been 41.

I had a really hard night last night.  Grief shows up in the strangest ways sometimes.  Ways that have actually surprised me.  Quite frankly I'm feel very "knocked down."

I know I won't feel this way forever.  It reminds me of this verse:

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (NLT)

We are pressed on every side by troubles, 
but we are not crushed.  

We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.  

We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God.  

We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.

I'm not sure I'm totally here yet... but this song gives me hope.  I may be knocked down - but one day I will shine again, one day I will feel like I'm not "out" forever.